Dahling,
What is it about a man in a cape that makes the ladies and gents go wild?
I know a young woman who asks everyone, “Who’s your favorite Batman?”
She thinks that the answer gives important insight into that person’s character.
Dahling, before I even met her, I had expressed in intimate company, that my favorite Batman is Michael Keaton. To me, Michael Keaton is THE Batman.
Now, to be fair, I did not watch the other Bat-men perform. Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Christian Bale. Did I miss any? (Dear God, are there more?) I stopped watching Batman movies after Mr. Michael, because Mr. Michael rules my roost.
For me, Michael Keaton hits the spot. He is unusual looking, and somewhat quiet, yet still has that nice dark hair. Perhaps that is my definition of sexy? I really do find Michael Keaton sexy. Like, really sexy. What is it that makes Michael Keaton so sexy? I think it is the way he looks off in the distance, clearly discerning something, and then he licks his lips a little (he has cute small lips), and he has this gentle gleam of knowingness in his eyes, and he turns back to whomever he is speaking to, and he says something in a way that is at once confident, curious, and provides space for new beginnings. One single look from Michael Keaton, in a film, can do all that.
That’s why Michael Keaton is my Batman.
But wait, let’s unpack a little bit more about this “Batman” thing, and why Batman matters.
Where did such a character emerge, and WHY would a film industry produce film after film after film about this figure? Why is the character of Batman the cause of such obsession in American culture?
In my moments of terrorizing ambition, I think— “I shall watch all the Batman movies, and uncover what it is in the American psyche that compels the industry to keep creating more Batman movies, and what it is in the American population that pays large sums of money to keep watching more Batman movies.”
And then I remember that no day is guaranteed to me, and sitting at home watching all of these Batman movies is rather boring.
(I would prefer to be in nature, dancing to the grooves of Leon Bridges or something.)
So, my main beef with the Batman movies—and other superhero movies—is that I don’t enjoy watching sociopaths and psychopaths kill people, which is what happens in most of the Batman movies, with Joker. I am really tired about the way movies are mimicking life and life mimicking movies, in that American male culture seems to think that power exists in harming others, and in guns, rather than through love and the transformational power of the heart.
So, show me Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne, looking off into the distance. Let me enjoy his manner when he witnesses people talk about him secretly, and he doesn’t take it personally because he has clearly read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. But stop with all the demons in human form dressing up in costumes and shooting everyone and thinking it makes them matter.
Demons and thugs don’t matter. They evaporate. They disappear.
By saying “transformational power of the heart,” do I sound like a sap?
Fine, call me a sap. ASAP. Hahahaha.
I think I can quickly answer what it is about Batman—and other superhero movies—that draws in the money and the viewers.
It is our desire for a hero. And we think the hero is a man, because we believe God to be a man. This is the reason Donald Trump got elected in 2016 (even though he is so ugly and not a hero at all).
We’re all waiting to have the hero rescue us—like a god or The God. Men and women both. Here is the difference, though:
Our culture teaches women that the man is going to be a hero and come rescue us, like a fairytale. (More often, it is women who rescue other women. A fact I would like to change, mind you.) And men? Men want a hero to look up to, to be like, and they are often hoping to be the hero to someone else. A hero—who is perceived as wealthy, confident, physically fit—gets the accolades and the recognition and the sex.
The thing is, we don’t quite know what a hero is in every day life. The life of the mundane and not the movies. So often, the way men and women really live is to stay quiet and afraid and not speak up when they see injustices happening. They complain to their friends rather than taking action. They hope someone else does the thing everyone wants someone to do. And they drink a lot of wine, smoke a lot of weed, and watch a lot of porn.
Hmm.
So, enter Batman. Over and over and over again.
Hamlet on steroids, in a cape.
It is the Jesus story, isn’t it? Revised? The second-coming, the Christian crusade. The brooding man takes control of the universe.
We want truth to power. We want mystery. We want intrigue and sexiness. We want someone who has magic inside, and who takes justice into their own hands, because the systems are failing us.
We want hope. We want new beginnings. We want THE WAY.
And we have some terrible bug in our psyches that says the hero is a white man in a weird outfit. A man who feels a kinship with animals and looks out for the poor and who no one really “gets.”
So now that I have answered the question of why Batman matters, without (gratefully) having to spend my days watching all the Batman movies, I must find out how to join the Batman enterprise with my delightful Ms. Wonderful twist.
Christian Bale, will you have dinner with me? Or coffee and a pastry? Do you make it to Philadelphia often? Will you pay? I am a little poor at the moment.
Val Kilmer, I will talk to you by the fruit platter at a party, if I get an invitation. Just know, blondes are not usually my type. Offer me a strawberry and maybe I’ll tango.
George Clooney, if you really want to invite me to a high-rise where we discuss the Powers that Be and eat sherbet out of martini glasses, I will show up. I am just not sure if you are able to eat sherbet out of a martini glass and focus mindfully on me at the same time, without having a host of butlers interrupt our conversation. I am willing to try.
I do suspect that Michael Keaton would be able to eat sherbet, calmly, with delicacy, and also listen, and just keep listening to me. He played Mr. Mom and so, he is in the TOP TEN of the Ms. Wonderful Playbook for sexy male Hollywood actors who are sensitive to women’s plights. Michael does it for me, the others are just understudies.
And while I have a magnificent little Batman script I am hoping to sell to the highest bidder, I will also share this with you, dahling, simultaneously, for I—Ms. Wonderful—am a bit of a paradox (and you love me for it!):
LET’S REDO ALL THIS ANTIQUATED SUPERHERO IMAGINING!
I am not sure that the male superhero is helping us advance in this culture. In fact, I am thinking that the WOMAN-MOM might be just the thing we need to create the kingdom of heaven on earth. Aren’t the woman-moms the ones rushing in to fix everything in this world? Having the babies? Cleaning up the messes? Working behind the scenes?
If we put Woman-Mom in a black cape, or a robe or something, maybe I would pay at the theater to see how it all goes.
Bisous, dahling,
Ms. Wonderful