Dear Darling,
If I were to get the magical and talented Adam Driver to act in my movie, I would create an amazing, riveting screenplay to put him in. Something that brings out his spark, his class, his edge. I would want people watching my movie to feel the way driving a Ferrari feels.
(I don’t know what it feels like to drive a Ferrari. Is it boring? I was not impressed by Tesla, I’ll have you know.)
I think if you have an amazing acting talent you have to just poke him and poke him until he lights up the screen!
I don’t say negative things about movies in writing because art is hard work and artists put so much love and energy and sweat and tears into their art. So instead of reviewing the movie Ferrari, I decided to write a short film for you called Get me a Porsche. That’s the idea I had when I walked out of the theater while watching Ferrari. I was bored and I wanted to do something more fun.
Let’s start the magic.
MOVIE TITLE: PORSCHE
Based on a true story
Characters
Jezzie—40-something woman. Quirky, sweet, explorative, independent.
Carole—79. Always smiling, laughing, and perceptive.
Jim—80. Carole’s husband. Quiet and unassuming.
Bartender—50s. Cool guy. Smooth, good listener.
Setting: Inside a restaurant at Monterey Beach, California.
EXT. Monterey Beach, California. Nightfall. Ocean waves can be heard in the distance.
A woman in her early 40s parks her car on a street at night and walks into a restaurant. The restaurant looks like a shack—it is small and quaint, packed with people. The woman looks for an open table or seat and sees only one available at the bar. She asks the bartender if it is okay if she sits down and he nods and puts a menu in front of her.
BARTENDER
Can I get you a drink?
JEZZIE
Yes, sure. A chardonnay, please.
BARTENDER
Sure thing.
Across the restaurant, a waiter walks a piece of cake with a candle to a group of people sitting at a table. The whole restaurant joins in to sing “Happy Birthday.” The woman at the table leans over and blows out the candle and everyone claps.
CAROLE
(Sitting next to Jezzie, leans over)
What are you thinking of ordering?
JEZZIE
I don’t know. Everything looks good. What did you get?
CAROLE
I got the Fettuccine Alfredo.
JEZZIE
Mmm. I am thinking of getting the Clams and Linguine.
BARTENDER
Did you decide, ma’am?
JEZZIE
Yes. Clams and Linguine, please.
BARTENDER
(Taking the menu)
Good choice.
CAROLE
So tell me, are you from around here?
JEZZIE
No. Visiting just for the weekend. How about you?
CAROLE
We are from Atlanta, Georgia. We just came west for a road trip. Wine country, driving up Route 1. Where do you live?
JEZZIE
About 100 miles south of here. It’s beautiful. All of the coast is beautiful, actually.
CAROLE
It really is. We have been driving my Porsche with the top down.
JEZZIE
A Porsche? Really?
CAROLE
Oh, honey. I am so happy in this last year—the Porsche is just the icing on the cake. We just got married and I have two months left of being 79, and I want to write a book about how your life can feel like it is just beginning at 80 years old! I am going to call it “Happiness at 80!”
JEZZIE
Oh wow! I would read that book! So you two are newlyweds?
CAROLE
Tell her, Jim.
JIM
Yep, newlyweds.
JEZZIE
Congratulations! How did you meet? I’m Jezzie, by the way.
CAROLE
Oh I am Carole. This is Jim. We met at our Porsche club actually.
JEZZIE
A Porsche club?
CAROLE
Yes, honey. I got a Porsche last year and I started going to the Porsche club. Jim was paying attention to me because I was the only woman in the club and he kept asking me on dates but I told him I am so happy, I don’t think I need anyone to date. I have a Porsche, and that’s all I need.
JEZZIE
What color Porsche do you have?
CAROLE
Navy blue. Want to see a picture?
Carole searches on her phone to show Jezzie a picture. Jezzie smiles and nods.
JEZZIE
So what changed your mind and made you finally go on a date with Jim?
CAROLE
He kept asking!
JEZZIE
And how long were you wanting a Porsche? I have never even ridden in one. It must be amazing.
CAROLE
When my partner died a few years ago, and I retired, I decided to splurge and do something special for myself. Do you know how much attention I get with this Porsche? I could be president with all this attention. When I first got it, I stopped at this gas station and a man came over and kept looking at the car. I said, “Can I help you with something, sir?” He said, “Oh I am just wondering who owns this car.” I told him, “I do!” He said, “You? This is your Porsche?” I said, “Damn straight!” “Not your husband’s?” he asked. I told him, “No, all mine. I don’t have a husband, honey. I bought it with my money.” He couldn’t get over it. The people at the club are like that, too. Surprised I got the Porsche myself and joined the club.
JEZZIE
Wow. Maybe I need to get a Porsche.
CAROLE
I thought for a long while after David died that I just didn’t need a man—all I needed was a Porsche. Now I have a Porsche and a man. So you get yourself a Porsche, honey. All your problems will be solved.
JEZZIE
Well what made you decide to get married at your age? Why not just live together and enjoy life…?
CAROLE
Sometimes you learn you can have it good, and then you can have it even better!
Carole leans over and kisses Jim on the mouth and he smiles. Jim takes a sip of his beer. Carole bops her head to the music over the speaker—Madonna’s song “Cherish.”
Jezzie smiles as a waiter comes over with her clams and linguine.
WAITER
You got the clams, Miss?
JEZZIE
Yes.
WAITER
I can promise you this—you’ll never want clams from anywhere else.
The waiter sets down Jezzie’s plate and walks away. Carole leans over again to kiss Jim. Jezzie looks into her plate of linguine, her eyes getting very big.
JEZZIE
(Speaking to herself)
A navy blue Porsche is the new black. I’ll never want clams from anywhere else.
Jezzie picks up her fork and twirls the linguine around the tines slowly. Then she selects a clam and forms the perfect bite on her fork. She puts it in her mouth slowly and chews, closing her eyes.
END SCENE.
Now, if Adam Driver were reading my little film club blog, I want to announce that I am still open to a Ferrari from him (or anyone, really) as a gift, but as far as a Christmas-Day movie named after an expensive car, I’m betting on my movie called Get me a Porsche for the win. I am going to give Adam D the role of waiter who drops off the clams and linguine in my movie. I think he’d do a good job with that role. He would make it really special and unforgettable. I think a good one-liner goes a long way.
Namaste, you little walking hootenannies—
Ms. Wonderful