Real Women Have Curves (2002)
Screenwriters: Josefina Lopez and George LaVoo
Director: Patricia Cardoso
Starring: America Ferrara (Ana Garcia), Lupe Ontiveros (Carmen Garcia), George Lopez (Mr. Guzman), Ingrid Oliu (Estela Garcia)
Dear America,
I think we know that there comes a time when you cannot blame anyone else for your life, your decisions, or your destiny.
Many of us live in diagnosis culture, psychoanalysis land. We want to tell our stories to figure out who we are.
“I am like this because…”
“This event that happened when I was five, which caused this…”
Who invented this “talk about the past” ethos we all have? Was it Freud or something? It was a white guy, yes?
Below language is presence. There is a vibe. No narrative exists. There is just, “I feel this way now. I felt this way, in those circumstances.”
Below language, there is, consistently, a recognition: “How do I feel?”
And the key is not getting attached to one feeling or the other, but seeing oneself as an instrument. The emotions play. The spirits move in like the breeze, the energy changes and transformations come, and things shift. What we can work on is the sitting, over and over again, in breath and knowing, and allowing ourselves to feel emotions, and embrace our sacred space over and over again. We keep breathing. We acknowledge. We allow feelings. We welcome them. They just don’t manhandle us.
There is no more sacredness to a woman’s genitals than a man’s genitals—but we have this idea that one is superior to the other. Both make the world go ‘round, and we each—as people—get to decide how to handle these instruments. Are they weapons, or are they delicate bundles placed on the altar of love?
In Real Women Have Curves, Ana Garcia wants a better life for herself, but her mother does not want that same life for her. Ana’s mother wants her to get skinny and attract a nice, good-looking man and get married and have a few babies. They will live in a house and pose for pictures and then the mother can show all her friends Ana and her nice husband and her nice babies.
The reality is that a picture is not the story. The truth is the way something feels and continues to feel. If Ana feels crappy all the time because she didn’t get a college education, or she gave up her life too soon to take care of little ones, then what is the use of bragging to the grocery store clerk? Ana is going to be looking for an exit strategy, and the couple may start cheating on one another, or stealing or doing other dirty deeds, and the kids just learn to be miserable like their parents.
See?
Happiness. Contentment. These are elements to the human experience that are worth living into. Not just pursuing.
The founding of the United States says we are here for “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”
But our language needs to be exact and precise. It is not the pursuit we are entitled to, but the actual force of happiness. We shall not be solely a nation of pursuers. We are a nation of listeners, of breathers, of ones who vibe with the land. At least, that is what we are manifesting, if we get on the right train.
We are, societally, so rooted in story and narrative, that we don’t tap in enough to what we are feeling! And so many coaches and influencers and yadda yadda on the social media channels are going to tell you what you need to do! “Here is how to get here, my friend. Then your dreams will come true and you will reach your goals! Now pay me a bunch of money and take my masterclass.”
I had a boyfriend once who was divorcing and he was feeling all the frustration of this major life event not working out. He showed me a picture of him with the kids and the former wife. “We look happy, right?”
“You don’t look happy,” I said.
And why was he so concerned with looking happy rather than being it? The couple wasn’t happy. Thus, divorce.
Therefore, America Ferrara, the woman, I thank you for this lovely and beautiful tale, Real Women Have Curves, from 2002, in which you stood so boldly, consciously, and purposefully. And to America, the country, I heartily recommend revisiting Real Women Have Curves. It is about how we feel in our bodies that matters, not the size. It is about how we feel in our lives that is the real shebang, and not the pictures we are posting.
To the bros? Stop telling yourself stories that hold you back. Don’t get addicted to a narrative and assume the narrative is your identity.
Just stand up and dance and keep breathing, and take a break from working all the time and filling your mind with images and stimulus and people talking. Get a nice, good cleansing. And then feel your emotions.
If you’re feeling peaceful, deep inside your heart, you’re winning. It doesn’t matter what anything looks like on paper.
How does Ana feel, when she chooses her own destiny and breaks free from a tired, outdated tradition that is not suited to her?
Watch the movie.
In love and paradox,
Ms. Wonderful
*Real Women Have Curves is streaming on HBO Max and Hulu.