The All-White Cast
Legally Blonde, Green, Blue, Red, etc.
Dear Young Women All Over the World,
I have a challenge for you.
The challenge is—discernment.
Who is good, and who is bad?
Or rather, let’s go beyond Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and whatnot. Let’s get into the crux of how you know if you can trust a person. All of us are human, and we make mistakes. No one person is “all good,” and no one person is “all bad.”
I think.
I suspect.
I surmise.
For instance, I researched a little bit about this man, Rudolf Hoss, who was the commandant of the Auschwitz concentration camp, after watching the movie Zone of Interest directed by Jonathan Glaser. In interviews with Hoss’s children, especially one daughter, she said that her father was a wonderful father. We know now that he was a murderer, who was completely heartless to people he perceived to be inferior. And yet, to her memory, he was loving and “wonderful.”
What do we do with information like that, and more importantly, how do we learn?
Let me give you another example. In one of my favorite books, The Things They Carried, by Tim O’Brien, about a young man drafted into the Vietnam War, O’Brien goes into an explanation of the real truth and “the happening truth.” He says there are facts, and then there is the truth of the way something feels or felt. He says, if you don’t like that, watch how you vote. He says, what is a young guy supposed to do with a moral obligation to not kill when he is given directives from his own government to kill?
Whose authority wins in such a scenario? Your inner compass of right and wrong, truth and deceit, or the person in a kind-of-uniform who directs you?
This also shows up in The Karate Kid. (Oy, me, with all these white-male references today!)
In The Karate Kid, one teacher who teaches karate has an ethic about it, which is that it is for self-defense only, not to hurt others. (That’s Mr. Miyagi.)
The other teacher, who is taller, has big muscles, and owns his own dojo in the center of town where a bunch of boys come to practice, instructs the boys to have “No mercy.” This man, John Kreese, directs his young men to hurt the opponent in order to win, and he brings no sense of honor or integrity to his practice of this martial art. He often stands with his big arms crossed, no shame.
I just watched the movie Legally Blonde (2001) this week, which is a so-pink-girly-girl film, and yet I am referencing all of this art by men, and still, my question to you is how you make decisions regarding what is best to do or not do in your life. Do you judge people based on their gender or their skin color, or their friends? Or do you judge by their actions?
Do you listen to your gut, or your brain, or what someone else tells you to do in a particular situation?
Are you sometimes taught to push down your feelings and compartmentalize in order to charge through a situation, without acknowledging your conscience and your own inner knowing?
I can’t answer this for you, but I can encourage you to take time away from toxic situations—the best you are able—so you can breathe and center yourself and listen to your inner knowing, your wisdom, and your guidance. This inner light comes from the divine. It comes from a place inside you.
There is a lot of toxicity happening in our atmosphere these days, at least where I walk. It is easy to get led astray, or develop apathy, or ignore. Sometimes, as sensitive and loving women, we know how to listen and to empathize, but we are not empathized with. We are put into boxes, and those boxes are at odds. Can a pretty girl or lady also be wise? Can she choose independence instead of convention and coupledom? What is wisdom, imagination, and intelligence, and what is irrationality?
What must a person look like in order to be considered worthy?
These are our tests, our paths, and our assignments to walk through. This is how the lotus flower rises up through the mud and becomes a lotus flower. And while we may internalize the opinions of people around us—which is easy to do, and why you need to be careful about the company you keep—we can also think for ourselves and listen to our own inner knowing.
This inner knowing resides in your body, and it is a powerful force. It is in your stomach. Your stomach tells you when something is not right. It’s the reason many of us couldn’t and can’t sleep so well with an emotional wreck of a person issuing executive orders in the United States lately, using his White Rich Man Privilege, which is the origin of “The United States,” frankly.
Does this mean all white men are bad? Does it mean all rich men (or women) are bad? God, no. I compiled a playlist today of white men and women I like to listen to.
I am just asking you to go deeper when you find yourself reacting with intense emotions. I am asking to access a space that is inside you, a place Maya Angelou would call “pristine.” She instructs, “This place is only for you.”
I say this because I cannot protect you all. I can only do my best to teach and guide who shows up in my life. Goddess knows, I want to protect all children, but some things are out of my hands, and then they fall out of the hands of those who wish to protect you as well. We are all caught in systems and fabrications that are web-like, and confusing. But if you have this deep space inside you, this knowing, you can find respite and joy and a safe haven. It is a place that you and God know. You are born with it.
Now, for my week in cinema…
I showed 9th graders the John Hughes 1986 film Pretty in Pink and was very happy to hear two young women say that they would have preferred that the heroine of the movie, Andie, was single at the end, instead of attached to either a rich-guy-mess or a goofy nerd who is better off as a friend.
I fell asleep repeatedly watching the movie Legally Blonde, which is what my best friend suggested we watch for a special SuperGirl Podcast Edition of the Ms. Wonderful Film Club (premiering tomorrow, on the same day as the SuperBowl). Then I finally watched the movie during the day and laughed my butt off. I saw that this blonde vs. brunette thing can be a real problem until women decide to befriend one another and leave lazy dudes out of it. And I was a little annoyed about the emphasis on acquiring an engagement ring in the film, like it’s the be-all/end-all of the existence for a young woman. My goodness. Buy yourself your own pearl, girls. (Subscribe to Rose Woods TV on YouTube, or listen on Spotify or Apple to the Ms. Wonderful Film Club exploration of Legally Blonde we upload tomorrow.)
I re-watched You People on Netflix after suggesting it to an actor to help him with a play he was writing. It is co-written by Kenya Barris and Jonah Hill, and it is just so funny and well-done. The two difficult parents in this Romeo-esque & Juliet-esque drama are played by Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (who NEVER DISAPPOINTS!) and Eddie Murphy (WHO NEVER AGES!). Can love overcome racial divides in pre-post-midst-apocalyptic Los Angeles? Maybe! Unless there is a “You People II” about custody battles and divorce. Hmm. Meow.
I have been reading Viola Davis’s book Finding Me and crying my eyes out. I love this actress. (My post about her is here.) I am so, so moved by Viola and her power, and depth, and wisdom. And I also listened a bit last week to the less-well-written autobiography of Cher. Both of these women succeeded after growing up poor, in poor families, with rampant domestic violence.
So how come we as women are not loving one another more, and forming our own communities of safety and learning, so that we can cultivate wealth and teach one another the value of our intuition, the sacredness of our bodies? The Mothers’ Way?
I tried to express this desire and encouragement in my book from 2020, which I wrote in one week in Paris. Here is a little excerpt.
You can only do what you can do, and stay sane and balanced, healthy and calm, the best you know how. And you can listen to your own inner wisdom. You can trust that you have it. And let Love—also known as God, or the Divine—guide you.
Blessings,
Ms. Wonderful
*And now, a photo-op and soundtrack for your Rebel Weekend of Girl-Stuff.
*My Saturday Soundrack on Vinyl (I always wanted to make movie soundtrack compilations)
That beautiful advice I mentioned is here below, from Maya Angelou.