Dear Gunslayers,
In exploring masculinity in film—with a special focus on Ethan Hawke—I thought it wise to take a brief detour into the cameos of actor Eric Stoltz, which are a personal favorite of mine. J’adore.
I think it is because Eric Stoltz looks a bit like a male version of my aunt Joanie, and because he starred in Some Kind of Wonderful (Dir. by John Hughes, 1987), that he stood out to me from a young age.
Part of the challenge we face as a society when most of our political leaders are men, and when women feel they have to be masculine in order to succeed in the workplace or formal leadership (pantsuits, pantsuits, pantsuits!), is that we align masculinity with leadership and authority. We think being masculine means being the one in charge. We also—because of the many movies with men shooting people, wielding fear as a form of respect—tend to think masculine is heartless. It is no wonder we have leaders who bury their hearts and puff up their egos and stand tall and stiff, to convince everyone they are worthy and “great.” We have seen this image so many times in life and in film, it is hard for us to unlearn.
The truth of the masculine, however, is that it is not absent of compassion, grace, or gentleness. The masculine nature is a directed energy, through activity and focus, and with linearity. The masculine is more strategic, and it takes steps toward accomplishing something. That does not mean it has to be gruff, unfeeling, or have a loud voice. Those things are just imbalances.
The feminine energy is receptive, fluid, and more circular. It relates, it associates. It looks differently at a situation, and that is why the pairing of masculine and feminine is so helpful and necessary for wholeness in any person or endeavor. We can’t all be the sprinters in the race. We need people who set up the finish line and gather the audience to cheer, and hand out cups of water. One energy doesn’t work well, for too long, without the other. And we all contain both, whether we want to admit that or not.
The character Keith Nelson in Some Kind of Wonderful, played by Eric Stoltz, illustrates this gentle kind of man. In fact, the figure of the gentle unrecognized masculine comes up often in 80s films, or in coming-of-age films where bullies are the antagonists. In Some Kind of Wonderful, Keith is an artist. He watches, he admires, and his interests align more with creative expression than they do with the typical masculine approach to life—which is one clear direction toward more money and business success. (His father can’t stand this feminine in him, and tries to tease it out.) But of course the girl Keith likes, Amanda Jones, is with the mean guy, Hardy. Hardy is the out of balance masculine, the bully—gruff, with a superiority complex that masks his deep insecurities. His girlfriend is property. And while he has a traditionally attractive look, and some extra money, he doesn’t know how to treat people with kindness. His modus operandi is through threats. That’s why he is such a loser in the movie. In life, however? The way we see things play out on political platforms, in places functioning around this imbalanced masculine paradigm? We see these kinds of guys as “the winners.” We are so misled. Even the bad guys know it. The populace just needs to catch up.
It is women who need to wake up the most, because behind the scenes, it is women running the show. It really is. And as long as women fall for the imbalanced hyperego of a man, and think that masculinity is absent of heart and gentleness, and allow that to continue with praise and applause, then we will keep seeing the same tired stories and tragedies play out on screen and in real life. (Isn’t there another Joker movie coming out this fall? Like, why? If you’re an actor, say no to these images and these dollars. It is not worth your soul.)
In light of this, let me present to you the smokin’ cameo of Eric Stoltz, who appears in Cameron Crowe movies like an angel who steps in to assist men on their romantic journeys. I don’t know why he’s always smoking. Because it’s badass? Because it’s Hollywood? Because it’s funnier? Because smoke gets in our eyes sometimes and we have to wait for it to clear so we can finally listen to our hearts and our souls?
Yeah! Yeah, sure.
Check out these fun cameo clips. I think Eric Stoltz is actually my favorite. I may be creating Hawke Summer, but I’m really a Crowe girl. :)
Say Anything, Written and Directed by Cameron Crowe (1989)
Singles, Written and Directed by Cameron Crowe (1992)
Jerry Maguire, Written and Directed by Cameron Crowe (1996)
P.S. “Gunslayer” is not a word—I made it up. It’s about ending gun violence.